Feeling Your Oats
If you eat too many Quaker Oats,
Your stomach ferments and expands and it bloats.
Forget about hearts and cholesterol quotes.
Try to be sensible. Follow these notes.
Never eat more than the size of your hand.
This is a rule we can all understand.
Never add sugar or butter, be bland.
Anything bad should be totally banned.
If you use milk, you had best switch to soy.
There's no way around it, I'm telling you boy.
It's your life in your hands and it's not just a toy.
It's oatmeal for life and to live is a joy.
You need more than oats. Add some cod liver oil.
Stir them together and bring to a boil.
These two together will totally foil
Arteriosclerosis, according to Hoyle.
Life is a card game you never can win.
You're starting to die from the day you begin.
Oats are the best way to put your fuel in.
Hip Hip Cheerio for your kith and your kin.
Try to be sure that it's not some granola.
That's just as bad as a cold Coca Cola.
Sugar can kill you as fast as Ebola.
You might live longer than some Ayatollah.
Though you can't eat them, it might drive you nuts,
Nothing but oats and the oil in your guts,
Living your life in the healthiest ruts,
There's no doubt about it, no ifs, ands or buts.
You will achieve your cholesterol goal
If you adopt the same feed as a foal.
Do not exceed or amend to the dole.
This is the best way to nourish the soul.
Copyright © 2007 Stephen Blumenkranz